If that's your boyfriend he wasn't last night....

It's 3am and I'm due in the office in 4 hours. I just can't seem to close my eyes....Carmen Rodgers is blasting in the background and she is asking me if I want to be free and I'm trying to figure out why I keep imprisoning myself?

If I could figure out why I am so attracted to the things that are not good for me?
If I could figure out why Good Foxes love Bad Boys?

For several months I have had an on going fling with someone that I know I can never be mine at least not the way I want them to be. I think it's so amazing how peoople can see your situation so clearly and you can't see your hand in front of your face. Red has constantly warned me to stay clear of this person as my feelings always get the best of me and there is no denying I get all caught up when they are around, I still find myself drawn to him and he still finds time to "fit me in".

Wednesday night is usually our night as he is able to steal away after Bible Study for a few hours. Confirmation was made early on Wednesday morning and a request for dinner was taken. Spaghetti-a-la-foxy was the meal of choice and I took my time preparing it as I wanted to make sure I brought a smile to his face and satisfaction to his tummy.

I didn't realize that tonight would be different I didn't know that this evening would make me a fool but I was soon to find out......

8pm- I make my last call to RED to say goodnight and fill him in on the details of dinner

9pm- Showtime and "Hungry" still has not arrived I guess he's a litle late....

10pm- A call to say I'm on my way was received and I'm confused as to what is causing the change in plans

11:30pm- Hungry arrives and he seems to have an attitude for some reason or another I'm afraid to ask as to not find out something I don't want to know

2:00am- I was sexually satisfied and mentally frustrated and "Hungry" was on his way out of the door.

Here we are at 3am again and Carmen is still singing and I'm starting to listen to the message she's putting in my head.

I have been looking everywhere for something that was always in me and because of this search I found what appeared to be refuge in the arms of someone that belongs to someone else. So now he's on his way home to his other half and I'm left with the feelings of guilt, anger and lonliness. Something has got to change.................I think I just realized that change has to start with me .